• Recognizing Your Nemesis:
At some point in the past, this person was (arguably) your best friend.
You and this person once competed for the same woman, and you both failed.
You have punched this person in the face.
If invited, you would go to this person’s wedding and give them a spice rack, but you would secretly hope that their marriage ends in a bitter, public divorce.
People who barely know the two of you assume you are close friends; people who know both of you intimately suspect you profoundly hate each other.
If your archenemy tried to kill you, this person would attempt to stop him.
• Recognizing Your Archenemy:
Every time you talk to this person, you lie.
If you meet someone who has the same first name as this person, you immediately like them less.
This person has done at least two (2) things that would be classified as “unforgivable.”
The satisfaction you feel from your own success pales in comparison to the despair you feel from this person’s personal triumphs, even if those triumphs are completely unrelated to your life.
If this person slept with your girlfriend, she would never be attractive to you again.
Even if this person’s girlfriend was a hateful bitch, you would sleep with her out of spite.
The Joker was Batman’s nemesis, but-ironically-his archenemy was Superman, since Superman made Batman entirely mortal and generally nonessential. Nobody likes to admit this, but Batman fucking hated Superman; Superman is the reason Batman became an alcoholic.
— Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas.